Halloween 2008 Curfew

This just in from the Department of Halloween Festivities (DoHF):

A curfew of 5:30PM has been put into effect for October 31st and will remain until day break due to the unexpected increase in supernatural activity and the potential dangers of children, college students, and adults being confused for actual demons, ghosts, and other unworldly creatures.  Failure to abide by curfew could result in arrest at minimum or at worst accidental staking, beheading, loss of limbs and/or eyes, fatal gunshot wound, drowning, or torching.

Citizens are encouraged to stay indoors and protect your home and loved ones at all costs.  A DoHF chart will arrive in your mailbox no later than October 29th which will help you determine what type of supernatural event or creature you are dealing with and the proper way to dispose of it.  The back of the chart has a Spanish version as well.

DoHF in conjunction with local law enforcement will be enforcing curfew as well as patrolling neighborhoods.  People living in vampire problem areas will also be sent wooden stakes.  DoHF stakes are NOT a toy nor should be used in any manner other than described in included instructions.  Your DoHF chart will contain information on which local churches to obtain holy water from.  Note: You must bring your own water to be blessed.

If you insist on hosting a Halloween party follow these guidelines:

1. Party members must arrive before the 5:30PM curfew time.

2. Party members must stay until daybreak.

3. Party members should not to dress as a vampire or “Dracula”, witch, ghost, goblin, any kind of vicious sea or land creature, zombie, bat, dragon, Frankenstein, spider, werewolf, demon, any Disney character, space alien or space creature of any kind, gremlin, troll, bogeyman, Bigfoot, imp, hag, ogre, wraith, bugbear, pirate, dinosaur, Godzilla, King Kong, no 1920’s clothing of any kind, succubus, the devil, republican, any angel (fallen or not), news anchor, lobbyist, or Hal 9000.

Suggested costumes: Normal human, firefighter, nurse, doctor, garbage man (or woman), stripper, boy or girl scout, yoga instructor, teacher, bus driver, construction worker, flight attendant, blogger, pilot, computer repair technician, librarian, and nun.  “Sexy” or “Slutty” versions of any of these are also acceptable.

Before letting someone into your home follow: BESAFE

They Breathe, they Eat real food, they don’t Smell funny, they Act human, you can Feel them (e.g. not an apparition), and they are not Elevated off the floor.

Help the DoHF make Halloween a safe one by carefully following your chart, remember BESAFE and abide by local law enforcement.  Lets make 2008 successful keep accidental death and dismemberment under 15% this year!

This press release is a bit of a disappointment, but I think it is important to enjoy halloween and be safe so I hope everyone will look for their DoHF chart and be vigilent throughout the holiday.

Vote YES on Proposal 28

Too long has the State of Michigan let Pepsi drinkers besmirch the Coke drinkers of Michigan.  Proposal 28 would ban all Pepsi drinking both in public and private homes in the State of Michigan.  Do you want your children coming home and asking for a Pepsi at dinner?  How do you explain to them that drinking Pepsi is wrong even though their schoolmates do it?

By allowing Michigan residents to drink Pepsi you force Coke drinkers to accept and support an inferior and non-traditional soft drink.  Proposal 28 is not about taking away rights, it is about stopping Pepsi drinkers from imposing their belief that a soft drink can be just any flavored caramel colored fizzy sugar water.

We all know the real caramel colored fizzy sugar water is Coke and it should stay that way.

Paid for by Michigan Citizens for Proposal 28.

Down for the count: The Ex List

I started to watch the second episode of The Ex List on CBS where a single woman is told by a psychic that she has already met her future husband.  I quickly realized I simply did not care anymore, and I only saw one episode of the first season.  The pilot was entertaining but really the first episode said all the show could say and still be interesting.  I barely made it five minutes into the second episode and realized they could only repeat themselves over and over for however long the show would be on TV until the final show where you would find out who she marries.  1-6 years of buildup for a single day of serious disappointment.

So I avoid the disappointment and choose to stop watching the show now.

I expect Sancutary on SciFi Channel to be next knock out.  I have yet to see the second or third episode sitting on my Tivo.

Stealing your passwords with SCIENCE!

So you know how we have firewalls, secure passwords, SSL encryption, and all sorts of computer related security?  It is all for shit as of right now.  At 65ft the folks at Switzerland’s Cryptography Lab can capture the electromagnetic emanations from PS2, USB, and laptop keyboards.  As you type on your keyboard the electromagnetic spectrum is scanned and keyboard information is recorded; Engadget has a video of it in action.

I call dibs on the Random Burst Electromagnetic Emanation Device patent which spews electromagnetic information into the air to mask your typing while simultaneously giving you cancer.

Or we could all go back to pencils.

What I Watch – Fall TV

Fall TV season is in full swing so I thought I would run down the shows I watch.

Monday

Chuck, NBC – A spy comedy that usually doesn’t take itself too seriously.  The character dynamics are great and there is a lot of subtle humor mixed in with the obvious slapstick.  Shows typically are self-contained with an overall main plot (any readers of this blog will know this is often important to me).  I keep watching because it tends to be light hearted comedy-action that puts me in a good mood no matter how shitty my day was.

Heroes, NBC – A show about superheroes.  I reluctantly watch Heroes having previously sat through 11 mediocre episodes of season 2.  The high production values, fantastic cast, and great special effects tend to make up for the complete lack of direction the show seems to have.  I am getting sick of new characters (and powers) being added nearly every episode.  I keep watching because of the original greats (Syler, Hiro, Claire, and Peter).

Top Gear, BBC America – British TV show about cars.  It might sound dull, but the show is fucking hilarious.  The host’s outrageous stunts, bloated egos, and resulting mishaps make this one of the best series on television.

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, FOX – I want to love this show but I cannot.  I still watch it each week because there are elements that really appeal to me, but in the end nearly every show is a disappointment because each show must be about Sarah Conner and John Conner escaping robots and after a while this gets a little old which is why they keep coming up with awfully wacky subplots to try and keep us entertained.

My Own Worst Enemy, NBC – I had my doubts about how good this split personality spy show could be, but the pilot was actually not that bad except for the horribly obvious Chevy product placement.  Christian Slater does a decent job making each personality distinct (at least in the pilot episode).

Removed from my Monday night lineup: How I Met Your Mother should really be called “How we can extend the same joke for six more seasons”, Samantha Who was kind of funny the first season, but again, how much longer can you make amnesia funny?  The answer was apparently just one season.

Tuesday

The Mentalist, CBS – This is a bit of a rip off of Monk but I am definitely intrigued by the main character and his back story.  I hope I can get past his smarmy looks and make this a regularly watched show..

Removed from my Tuesday night lineup: Fringe is a terrible pseudo science show that insults viewers at every level 2014 update: Fringe is awesome and 2008 me is an idiot , House while interesting in the first season started to lose my interest – I especially hate how House is pitched every damn week as an epic conflict/drama/battle/whatever (probably the same reason I stopped watching ER).

Wednesday

Pushing Daisies, ABC – I love this slightly-supernatural detective comedy show.  It is creative, funny, quirky and filled with great stories, characters, and visuals.  The second season had a bit of a rough start but all was redeemed when the police pulled dead clown after dead clown out of a wrecked car in episode three.

Bones, FOX – Another favorite show of mine.  The dynamic between Bones and Booth is fantastic as well as many of the supporting characters.  Plots are well thought out and they do not insult you with oversimplified detective work or science.

Mythbusters, Discovery – Busting myths is fun and funny.  If only they could make more episodes each year.

South Park, Comedy Central – An adult cartoon show that still manages to be funny after 12 seasons.

Thursday

Life on Mars, ABC – I have high hopes for this show (especially considering how much it has been hyped), but I have not seen the first episode yet.

Removed from my Wednesday night lineup: Eleventh Hour is a terribly stupid show that CBS possibly sunk $50 million into and will soon realize was a giant waste of money.  It is worse than Fringe, and that is saying a lot.

Friday

The Ex List, CBS – A woman is told she has already met her future husband by a psychic, but not which past boyfriend so she embarks on a life mission to figure out who her future mate is.  I am almost embarrassed to say I record this show, but I was kind of entertained by the pilot so it stays on my list for now.

Life, ABC – Another favorite that I was ecstatic to see return for a second season.  If you have not watched since season one I highly recommend renting the DVD or you will seriously miss out on a lot of what makes this show so great.  The music select for Life is typically amazing, and the actors all-around are brilliant.  The Friday time slot usually means death for any show so I hope Life pulls an X-Files and stays on the air.

Sanctuary, Sci-Fi – I doubt I will continue to watch this webisode turned real TV show since everything cool that ends up on Sci-Fi seems devolves to crap by the 8th or 10th episode of the first season (there are exceptions).  Hopefully they can turn around the excessive camp, mediocre effects, and acting after a few episodes.

Sunday

Dexter, Showtime – Now in season three Dexter, the sympathetic serial killer, continues to impress me with top notch acting and new story line twists.  The shocking premise of the show has worn off a bit so the main story has become more complicated to compensate but this is not a bad thing.

True Blood, HBO – Vampires, blood, sex, violence, foul language, comedy, and often really fucked up and always interesting.  True Blood convinced me to subscribe to HBO.

Other: Daily Show, Good Eats, random History Channel, Discovery, and science shows.

Pharmaceutical Ninjas

I started a blog called Pharmaceutical Ninjas on Blogger where I intended to post the silly nonsense that popped into my head, but it was promptly banned by Blogger spam robots after I put up a post making fun of product placement in recent episode of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles.  Here is a snippet:

The Dodge Ram provides a truck bed storage system that can meet the needs of even the most harden human apocalyptic survivors with storage for guns, explosives, and anything else you might need to take down a robot killing machine!

Stay tuned to FOX’s Prison Break, next, sponsored by Tampax Tampons! The Tampon that never leaks! You will be amazed at how we work tampon product placement into this week’s Prison Break!

Either the robots who will one day take over our world and enslave the entire human race read this blog and deemed it a threat to their dominance or Blogger’s spam robots don’t understand sarcasm.  While there are ways to get it unbanned I figured integrating Pharmaceutical Ninjas into blarbles.com saved me from ever having to deal with this stupidity again.

So thanks, Blogger, I used your service for all of five days and learned: Robots will never understand bad attempts at humor and now we know how to confuse robots just long enough to upload a virus into the mothership and… wait, no… aw shit.