Resident Evil: Degeneration

First off, Leon Kennedy’s 3D animation was about 500% lower quality than say Claire Redfield and Angela Miller.  The women had individual strands of hair wisp in the wind, subtle movements in their face, had a wide range of body motion, and generally looked more human.  I don’t think Leon’s head turned once the entire film.  His arms would go up and down, mostly to shoot at things, but I guess if you are going to cut animation budgets they definitely made the right choice by limiting captain dull’s Leon’s graphic quality.

There are a number of silly English translation oddities throughout the movie.  What I think was meant to be “secure delete” was translated into: “EXTRA DELETE ACTION COMMAND!”  Sounds very thorough.  There were many times when people were talking and it sounded like English and was probably technically correct English, but it still just didn’t sound right.  To give you an idea let me try to explain eating a grilled cheese sandwich in the manner RE: Degeneration.

I then placed the melted cheese and toasted bread combination (with a thin layer of butter) into my palm and devoured it slow taking care to avoid my fingers contacting too much of the grease because later I would be required to transport my dairy beverage towards my mouth region and I wouldn’t want to have an incident of slippage.

Resident Evil DegenerationOn to the plot!  Resident Evil: Degeneration’s story was like sitting down watching all the extended cut-scenes from the Resident Evil games but a hell of a lot more boring.  Speaking of boring, this movie has about 10 endings and I’m not exaggerating.  I will summarize them for you so that if you watch the movie you can end it at any one of the 10 endings and feel like you didn’t miss out.

Ending 1: Claire and a handful of people get stuck in a zombie filled airport terminal.  Leon and Angela and some guy who everyone knew was going to die within five minutes drop in via helicopter and rescue Claire (and companions).  In a very dramatic scene they run out of the terminal just as the police move in to kill off the following zombies.

Ending 2: A company called WilPharam, which is exactly the same as Umbrella but with a much lamer name, trucks in antidote to save the day only to have their vehicles blow’d up.  Time to travel to WilPharma headquarters and figure out this mystery (do we really have to?)  At the headquarters they find proof of conspiracy/genetic something or other/whocares just before the building is set to self-destruct.  What follows is lots of running and explosions, but everyone unfortunately makes it out alive.

Ending 3: But wait! Curtis has infected himself with the G-Virus that turns him into a mutant monster.  Who is Curtis?  I’m not sure where he came from.  He claims his infection is his proof that the government is trying to cover up the Raccoon incident.  It’s worth noting he now has a single 6 foot wide eye.  Leon swoops in and saves Angela at the last minute by blowing up some stuff and burying the monster under rubble.  That’s the last we’ll see of Curtis!

Ending 4: Or not.  Monster gets up while the building sprays gasoline from the fire sprinklers (how ironic) and reports to everyone that it (the building) will be incinerating everything soon (five minutes to be exact).  Fire (after probably 10-15 minutes in reality), explosions, monster is FINALLY killed.

Ending 5: Or not.  Monster Curtis is still alive and is about to kill Angela (again) who at this point in the movie I’ve just figured out is his sister.  Right.  So just before monster-brother-Curtis kills Angela-sister Leon-dude swoops in and saves Angela (again).  They repel up to freedom, monster finally dead!

Ending 6: Or not.  Monster’s tentacle whips up and wraps around Angela’s leg and she tries to get Leon to let go (the whole audience was probably hoping for that as well), but no, Leon is a man’s man man and shoots Curtis with one shot from his handgun.  Monster lets go of Angela and falls to his fiery death.  I should point out that thirty soldiers with machines guns fired about 10,000,000 bullets into monster-Curtis earlier which had no effect.

Ending 7: Leon, Angela, and Claire figure out who really is pulling the strings and it turns out to be the evil scientists in charge of WilPharama genetic development.  The team of three good guys dupe him into meeting them (this is not explained) and then get the drop on him only to have him get the drop on them only to have Angela get the drop on him at the last minute.

Ending 8: Claire, Angela, and Leon meet at the edge of a cliff (I think they’re just teasing us with their potential suicide, and it is mean).  They discuss the events of the movie.  Angela flirts with Leon and Leon in turn flirts with Claire when Angela is out of earshot.  The movie fades to black and ends FINALLY!

Ending 9: Or not.  Turns out one of Claire’s companions from the very beginning of the film was infected and starts turning into a zombie just after he hit the “EXTRA DELETE ACTION COMMAND!” button on his computer.  I smell sequel!  At least it is over.

Ending 10: Or not.  Turns out the WilPharm cleanup team has found one of Curtis’s tentacles which they carefully place in a briefcase I’m sure to later use for the third Resident Evil animated feature film.

There you have it, 10 quality endings.  Fans of the RE games should not be surprised, but still, somehow, I’m disappointed.