Ultra Pink-Ray 2.0 Released!

Ultra Pink-ray 2 Logo

2017 will bless us with a new optical disc format: Ultra Pink-Ray 2.0 which improves on almost everything about the original Pink-Ray. If you’ve forgotten: Pink-Ray beat out Blu-ray and HD-DVD winning the HD disc wars back in 2007.

The biggest improvement for Ultra Pink-Ray 2.0 was moving to a universal video codec. The format now uses Cinepak with 71 distinct 480i streams stitched together to form a 17K resolution picture that will simply blow your friends away when they see it.

Speaking of impressing your friends the 7-D adds 4 more dimensions to the traditional 3-D “More than 2 times the D of 3D!“. Imagine their surprise when things on the screen don’t just jump to life but they fly straight through their head and hit the wall behind them! Talk about immersive!

Pink-Ray blew us away with picture-in-picture-in-picture but Ultra Pink-Ray 2.0 brings us picture-in-picture-in-picture-below-picture-in-picture or “pipipbpip” and improved “Pink View” with even more pink!

Sound was not forgotten in this update. They’ve tripled the number of channels with a grand total of 132.9. Your friends can hear sounds behind them on their home theater systems but can they pinpoint with in .05 degrees where it is coming from? Not without Ultra Pink-Ray 2.0.

Noise has been reduced significantly taking the 2 RPM original Pink-Ray disc down to just .3 RPM with UPR2.0! A rock laying on the floor in a vacuum makes more noise.*

* Statement reflects the company’s opinion and not scientific fact.

Easy Step-by-Step Painting

Step 1: Sketch out the general outline of the objects in your scene. In this case I’ve chosen a cat. Your sketch does not have to be perfect! Just create general shapes.

Cat SketchStep 2: Lay down the base colors for your painting. You want light colors first then build up darker colors. Keep in mind you are not doing detail here! You are just laying down a foundation for you to build on.

Cat base color layer

Step 3: Add detail to finish!

Cat finished product

As easy as 1, 2, 5!

2015 Marks the end of the UFO

If you think about it the UFO, in the classic sense, is over. Technically it stands for unidentified flying object which can of course mean any unknown thing flying around the sky but in the past the UFO has been associated with extraterrestrials and science fiction.

2015 is the year of the personal drone and that simultaneously makes it the year UFOs are no longer interesting. I’ll give you an example:

Daughter: “Daddy what is that circular object hovering in the sky! Could it be space people!?”

Dad: “Probably the damn neighbors spying on the neighborhood again.”

These days UFOs are boring because, really, they probably are just your neighbor spying on the neighborhood, or someone running drugs, or Amazon delivering a package.

Halloween 2008 Curfew

This just in from the Department of Halloween Festivities (DoHF):

A curfew of 5:30PM has been put into effect for October 31st and will remain until day break due to the unexpected increase in supernatural activity and the potential dangers of children, college students, and adults being confused for actual demons, ghosts, and other unworldly creatures.  Failure to abide by curfew could result in arrest at minimum or at worst accidental staking, beheading, loss of limbs and/or eyes, fatal gunshot wound, drowning, or torching.

Citizens are encouraged to stay indoors and protect your home and loved ones at all costs.  A DoHF chart will arrive in your mailbox no later than October 29th which will help you determine what type of supernatural event or creature you are dealing with and the proper way to dispose of it.  The back of the chart has a Spanish version as well.

DoHF in conjunction with local law enforcement will be enforcing curfew as well as patrolling neighborhoods.  People living in vampire problem areas will also be sent wooden stakes.  DoHF stakes are NOT a toy nor should be used in any manner other than described in included instructions.  Your DoHF chart will contain information on which local churches to obtain holy water from.  Note: You must bring your own water to be blessed.

If you insist on hosting a Halloween party follow these guidelines:

1. Party members must arrive before the 5:30PM curfew time.

2. Party members must stay until daybreak.

3. Party members should not to dress as a vampire or “Dracula”, witch, ghost, goblin, any kind of vicious sea or land creature, zombie, bat, dragon, Frankenstein, spider, werewolf, demon, any Disney character, space alien or space creature of any kind, gremlin, troll, bogeyman, Bigfoot, imp, hag, ogre, wraith, bugbear, pirate, dinosaur, Godzilla, King Kong, no 1920’s clothing of any kind, succubus, the devil, republican, any angel (fallen or not), news anchor, lobbyist, or Hal 9000.

Suggested costumes: Normal human, firefighter, nurse, doctor, garbage man (or woman), stripper, boy or girl scout, yoga instructor, teacher, bus driver, construction worker, flight attendant, blogger, pilot, computer repair technician, librarian, and nun.  “Sexy” or “Slutty” versions of any of these are also acceptable.

Before letting someone into your home follow: BESAFE

They Breathe, they Eat real food, they don’t Smell funny, they Act human, you can Feel them (e.g. not an apparition), and they are not Elevated off the floor.

Help the DoHF make Halloween a safe one by carefully following your chart, remember BESAFE and abide by local law enforcement.  Lets make 2008 successful keep accidental death and dismemberment under 15% this year!

This press release is a bit of a disappointment, but I think it is important to enjoy halloween and be safe so I hope everyone will look for their DoHF chart and be vigilent throughout the holiday.

Vote YES on Proposal 28

Too long has the State of Michigan let Pepsi drinkers besmirch the Coke drinkers of Michigan.  Proposal 28 would ban all Pepsi drinking both in public and private homes in the State of Michigan.  Do you want your children coming home and asking for a Pepsi at dinner?  How do you explain to them that drinking Pepsi is wrong even though their schoolmates do it?

By allowing Michigan residents to drink Pepsi you force Coke drinkers to accept and support an inferior and non-traditional soft drink.  Proposal 28 is not about taking away rights, it is about stopping Pepsi drinkers from imposing their belief that a soft drink can be just any flavored caramel colored fizzy sugar water.

We all know the real caramel colored fizzy sugar water is Coke and it should stay that way.

Paid for by Michigan Citizens for Proposal 28.

Pharmaceutical Ninjas

I started a blog called Pharmaceutical Ninjas on Blogger where I intended to post the silly nonsense that popped into my head, but it was promptly banned by Blogger spam robots after I put up a post making fun of product placement in recent episode of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles.  Here is a snippet:

The Dodge Ram provides a truck bed storage system that can meet the needs of even the most harden human apocalyptic survivors with storage for guns, explosives, and anything else you might need to take down a robot killing machine!

Stay tuned to FOX’s Prison Break, next, sponsored by Tampax Tampons! The Tampon that never leaks! You will be amazed at how we work tampon product placement into this week’s Prison Break!

Either the robots who will one day take over our world and enslave the entire human race read this blog and deemed it a threat to their dominance or Blogger’s spam robots don’t understand sarcasm.  While there are ways to get it unbanned I figured integrating Pharmaceutical Ninjas into blarbles.com saved me from ever having to deal with this stupidity again.

So thanks, Blogger, I used your service for all of five days and learned: Robots will never understand bad attempts at humor and now we know how to confuse robots just long enough to upload a virus into the mothership and… wait, no… aw shit.

RickRoll and Broadband

I was listening to NPR on my way to work today and they’ve finally discovered the RickRoll.  If you don’t know what it means to be RickRolled, feel free to experience it here, here, and here.

In order for a RickRoll to successfully work you must have broadband. The surprise of seeing Rick Astley dancing and singing just doesn’t happen over a 56k modem because it would take a good 30 minutes to start playing.  On the other hand what is the point of broadband if you can’t be RickRolled or RickRoll your friends?

RickRoll requires broadband and broadband requires RickRoll.

Just blows your mind, doesn’t it.